Guest Author: Cindy Williams
I am Cindy Williams. I am Certified in Life Coaching at Light
University School of Professional Coaching and a member of
AACC (American Association of Christian Counselors).
It is because of the life experiences I’ve lived and the roads
that I’ve traveled that I decided to become a Life Coach and
serve on the GLH Team of this website on grief, loss, and hope.
I have worked very hard to inch myself up and out of poverty. In 32 years (and counting) of marriage, and in the raising of my two children into adulthood, I have learned a lot about relationships. While working in Human Services and Management, I have learned to love and appreciate the beauty of each soul. In moving through the biological stages of a woman’s life, I have learned balance, peace, and renewal (on most days anyway). During the hard times, I have learned to run to God, not from God.
I would like to share a little more in depth with you about some personal losses. My Dad was an alcoholic, so I feel like I lost my childhood or rather like I never had one. I watched my Dad die of lung cancer five years ago. My husband, who was an ordained minister, decided he no longer wanted to go to church because of the pain that he had experienced. So I have spent the last seventeen years walking a different journey, which was a loss of a dream, but also a journey that has brought me on a closer walk with Christ. My youngest child just graduated from high school so I am in the throes of Empty nest syndrome at the present.
In 50 years of life, the biggest lesson I have learned is this--there is always change. Things change. People change. Times change. Weather conditions change. Places change. If we want to not just survive, but thrive, in this wonder we call life... we must change also. We can choose to change for the better. You can choose to live your dreams instead of daydream.
I CAN’T FIND MY WAY
BY CINDY wILLIAMS
Have you ever needed to find your way? I mean, you’re in a bad spot. Everything about it is wrong. There is just too much pain, stress, sadness and despair. But how? How do you find your way to a new place? And by the way, this painful place you are in--it’s not by your choice. It’s not what you wanted. You just found yourself there. Maybe you woke up after 30 years of living in an emotionally abusive relationship, and you just can’t do it anymore.
Maybe your body betrayed you by getting sick, and an illness was the last thing you expected. Maybe your sweet babies grew up, took a wrong path, and shattered your heart in the process. Maybe death came and took, and you grieve. Now what do you do? How do you find your way?
I was in such a place. Really, I am in such a place still, because it is a process, this moving from a place that is not working to a better place. It takes time, and it starts in small steps. No, it starts with a thought, a prayer. At first, all I could do was whisper a small prayer, “Lord, I can’t find my way.” Other days it was “Lord, I don’t know the way. Show me.” Many, many days such a prayer fell from my lips. “Lord, I can’t find my way through this.” Months, days and even years can go by, and still you are lost. This, you say, is not the abundant life. Not by a long shot!
Still in obedience to His word I would pray yet again. “Lord, give me wisdom; show me what to do.” He, in His faithfulness, did show me--is showing me. But change did not take place until I was willing to let go.
You know, we hold it all so dear: this life, our loved ones, our dreams, our hopes. No! No, we will not let them go! It is who we are. It is what we want. It is what we know. It is what is familiar and familiar is comfort for our souls, even if the familiarity is a pain, a hurt. But … when we can whisper, “Okay, Lord, I will trust. I will trust You. I will love you more than the dream, the hope, the life I thought should be mine. I will let go. With shaking hands and a tear stained face, I let go. You know better than me, Lord. You have good for me. You are doing a work in me. I am weak; I am humble; I am contrite before you.”
That’s when I started to see things I never saw before about myself, about my loved ones, about my situation. My holding on so tight kept us all from growing, from moving forward and onward to a better place. There comes a time to not only pray but to act, move, believe and walk in faith. Yes, I know, dear one, it is a hard, scary thing to do. I testify to you that He is good. He is the Faithful One. He will make something beautiful out of the mess. I know because He is doing that for me. He is working the ugliness, bitterness, and hurt out of me. He is working the “I am helpless against life” mentality out of me, and He is replacing it with His strength, wisdom, discernment and power.
Are things still broken around me? In me? Yes, but I am no longer a victim. Now I can love with a real love--not make believe. Not pretending everything is OK when it is not. I can love the hurting without enabling. I can speak truth with compassion and understanding. I can accept and embrace what I cannot change. I not only stand but I move forward-- finding my way.